07.29.09
Tonight…..
Tonight we have veal chateaubriand with a zucchini gratin. The veal is amazing. Sauce Vierge and a fried farm egg on the gratin!!
Awww… There has been a blizzard of emails and unposted posts in regard to my phoenix post. Brian Duff contacted me, and so did Jeff inglis. Both under fake names. But that’s ok. It is really great to see the little group of Phoenix writers and sympathizers gather together to boil their unguided hatred toward me. The amount of fake email addresses and hipster fun is encouraging. Some of them even email me 15 times every day! John tandor sends
me a note every hour.
It’s funny to see the Phoenix writers and critics freak out about their paper being criticized!
07.22.09
The Phoenix
While chefs and restaurants are constantly under scrutiny from pretty much EVERYONE, those who criticize have probably never been under a microscope before. Has a reviewer ever been reviewed?
From Leischen Stelter’s attempt at writing, using “big words” like “sequestered” “overseeing” and “each”, to Brian Duff’s failed attempts at writing anything worth reading…….
“Though he is a patron saint of democracy, Rousseau let his disgust with his contemporaries drive him to live out his final years alone in the natural splendor of the ÃŽle Saint-Pierre. When we grow weary of the crowds, the courtyard at Eve’s offers a more reasonable respite.” (Professor Brian Duff…in a food review. What the hell is he doing?)
Just a few years ago, Brian Duff chose to review Ladle, my old soup joint. While he was giving it a positive review, enjoying the soup, he compared soup to what mommy birds regurgitate into their babies mouths. What?
Back in 03, moron ex food writer, Andy King came in to Bandol, and tried to order the braised lamb leg medium rare. We explained that it has been braised for about 4 hours, it is falling apart tender. We can’t serve it medium rare. He looked at my server like she had three heads, unable to comprehend this new technique, the “braise”. He then went on to write the review saying how the lamb came out overcooked and dry. It is a braise. It IS overcooked. It fell off the bone, tender and juicy.
Months later he tried to invite himself to a wine dinner I was holding for author Michael Sanders. I denied him access, as we had no room, and I just didn’t want him there. I got a nasty phone call from then-editor and resident tough guy Sam Pfeifle. He was LIVID. He said some nasty things. He threatened me. He then went on to review his own band, the Grassholes, under an assumed name. He gave his band high praise, naturally.
After a recent interview with Krista about Bresca, Leischen decided to turn it into a 12 Seats story. I chimed up immediately, not wanting my name within the pages, nor 12 Seats. Krista agreed, and asked her to please retract anything said about Erik or 12 Seats. As did I. In fact I asked her superior (superior to shit on a shoe?) Jeff Inglis as well, stating the importance of retraction, and that everything was “off the record”.
I awoke to something different. While she told krista she would retract, she didnt tell her editor, and ran the story anyway. After a few words with Jeff Inglis, he basically told both Krista and I that he “can publish whatever he wants, even things off record.”
“YOU don’t make the rules, Erik. I DO. This wasn’t an article about you anyway.” Was that a muscle flex? I’ve seen a 4 year old with a bigger bicep. I’ve also seen a 4 year old write better than Leischen.
He then told me that Krista was basically lying to me. Nice.
Now, if I was a transvestite looking for a date, a terrible indie rock band, a sub par film maker, a hippie cafe owner, or someone looking for Corona specials around town, I would LOVE the Phoenix. Alas, I am none of the above. Not that there is anything WRONG with any of those things…….it’s just that this group of imbecilic moronic idiots should stay away from things that they don’t understand……like good food and drink, good music, and RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM. Also, if you meet any of these incompetent fools on the street, please don’t point at them…..avoid eye contact, and DON’T feed them. They may throw their own poop at you. I had one follow me home when i gave it a few little bits of ham sandwich….the poor thing just looked hungry, with its knuckles dragging on the ground, horrid stench seeping from its pores, and vacant look in its eyes.
From the 15 or 16 negative encounters with these guys, it is safe to say I really think they are doing a horrible job. It is a good thing the paper is free, as I’m sure many a puppy has relieved itself on their musings. I think I might do the same right now.
Phoenix Review!
Coming soon!
Check back later to read a review I am writing about The Portland Phoenix! I have lots of great stuff in store for you. From disgust about Jeff Inglis, the Managing Editor, who basically manages to screw up everything he touches….to the nonsensical ramblings of village idiot, Leischen Stetler……….she’s ALMOST as much of an inept writer as the moronic Brian Duff! is that possible?
Stay tuned!
07.20.09
Clabber fed Chickens
Clabber is basically creme fraiche. The Germans call it “quark”. The Scots-Irish who settled in the Appalachian Mountains figured it out too. The same folks who essentially created bluegrass music and early “americana” music, figured out how to allow unpasteurized milk to curdle just exactly perfectly. A thick, yogurt-like substance that occurs when our friend “cream” is left to settle in a humid and slightly warm climate.
Mitra and Max Luick are friends of ours. Last year, we harvested one of their beautiful hogs. Anything involving a pig, a nice little farm, a .22 that stunned the pig on the third shot, and a sticking with my kramer knife…..well, that builds relationships. Mitch and I broke the hog down.
Here it is, almost a year later, and Mitra contacts me about some little Tamworth piggies. We met Sophie, the sow, last year. I am bringing in a few of her offspring, in various stages of life for Evangeline.
Here is the great part………….she told me she was feeding some chickens with the aforementioned clabber, and a by product of cheese, whey. Sylvia Pryzant from Four Story Hill Farm in Pennsylvania is now famous within the culinary world for her milk fed birds. Hers were delicious, but expensive with the shipping. Mitra’s birds are real chickens. And so delicious. And right down the road.
Both Krista and I picked up a handful of these birds. The flesh is an amazing thing. Thick, juicy, milky white where it has to be, dark every where else. You can smell the pasture they grazed on and the dairy they snacked on. Chickens dont normally drink milk, but they LOVE Yogurt.
Evangeline will be offering a whole roast clabber fed chicken from Mitra with a day notice. We will also have them broken down and prepared properly based on the cut……but I think the best way to enjoy these birds is to roast them whole. Get them while you can. We roasted one for a photo shoot today, and oh my god, it is a wonderful thing. Jon Levitt (grassdoe photographer) was in awe. My folks and sister stopped by to drop off my guitar, saw the roasted bird and asked about it. I gave it to them to bring home for dinner. I wish I had it right now to devour.
If you want a whole roast bird, call us 24 hours in advance. Bresca will also have one split in half every night this next week. A half bird will feed two, easily. A whole bird at Evangeline will REALLY feed two. Take the carcass home and make stock.
Evangeline Clabber fed Chicken Hotline: 791-2800
Bresca Clabber fed Chicken Hotline: 772-1004
If we had a spotlight like Batman, in the shape of a chicken, we would use it.
Erik and Krista
07.19.09
Kon Asian Bistro
I never review restaurants. In fact, I don’t think I have written a review since Bresca, over 2 years ago. But, after dinner tonight, I feel like I have to. This is VERY unlike me…so maybe I’m getting old or something. My friend Joe Ricchio wrote a flattering review of Kon Asian Bistro last week (www.portlandfoodcoma.blogspot.com). While I definitely knew that the positive account of his dinner may have been fueled by the 151 on his Scorpion Bowl, I had to check it out myself.
When I first heard about it, I said to Krista, “Asian Bistro? That’s not even a thing….” and completely wrote it off. I think I threw the paper menu in the trash after tearing it to shreds. We don’t get many chances to dine out, and there is NO WAY I would waste a night off eating at a tacky Pan-Asian joint, with no focus on regional food. Why would I do that? Scorpion bowl? What am I?… 19, drinking at The Golden Dragon in Nashua with a fake ID?
Krista said, “Come on, it will be fun.”
So we went. All the way to exit 48. As we approached the exit, I saw in big bold red lettering “Kon.” There it was. I admit, I was a little bit excited. We pulled in to the parking lot, and immediately we saw a familiar face, Holly, said hello then entered through two glass doors with gold decorative globes.
The interior is sort of gaudy….huge gold buddha, up-lit bar. Ricchio seemed to think that the bar was “made of magic”, and I totally agree. There was an undercurrent of some sort of magic going on……or something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I really didn’t want it to be good. But it was.
We ordered some cocktails, a Sapphire and tonic and a Sake Martini. Sapphire is my go to these days to sip and peruse the menu. I did so at Salt Exchange and The Corner Room, and it is definitely comforting. Krista got her Sake Martini, and I had a taste. Nothing special, but not bad. Normally, I would say “Well, it’s not even a Martini. Martinis aren’t made with Sake. That’s not even a thing….” But I didn’t. For some strange reason, I was actually comfortable and genuinely happy to be there. (?????????)
We ordered, and our server (Stephanie?) was totally cool and understood we wanted to pace everything out. We have had a recent experience where we wanted things coursed out, and wound up with 9 plates on our table at the same time. That was horrendous. Stephanie actually knew what we were talking about. On exit 48. Not in Portland proper. At an “Asian Bistro”. (??????????)
The food began to arrive. Spicy Tuna tartare, with fried tempura batter that was crumbled in to a tasty, crunchy little pile. Yes, a pile of tempura crumble. (mind you all, I know absolutely nothing about asian cooking AT ALL…krista explained what it was.) We devoured the whole thing. The tuna was just spicy enough, and the three sauces were perfect. (???????????perfect????????) Was I buzzed from my Sapphire and Tonic? I looked over and saw that I was only half finished, so no. The dish was GOOD. (I still can’t believe I am writing this.) I ate what was left of the pile of crumbled batter.
The fried Rock Shrimp came slathered in a kewpie based sauce. I have only recently discovered the truly delicious kewpie japanese mayonnaise. I’m completely hooked. Where have I been? Under a rock in Provence? The shrimps were fried crunchy, and retained their crisp exterior and warm sweet interior. Ricchio claimed that this dish was, at the moment, the best dish in Portland. Holy crap, it was awesome.
Then, the duck dish. Roasted duck meat, scallion and cucumber, hoisin sauce and steamed rolls. The duck and accoutrements were great. But, the steamed rolls were absolutely out of this world. I have had steamed rolls at old school chinese places who hold tradition in high regard. Their rolls were banal compared to these. Light, fluffy, soft…..they almost levitated off the plate. (?????????????????) Am I actually writing this?
We had a few more courses, and I wont bore with the details, but I have to say……they were all awesome. (The beef negamaki needed salt, but we doused it in soy and the flavors soared). That was my only complaint. My only complaint? Yes. The lettuce roll with beef had a brunoise of perfectly cooked root vegetables. Cut by hand. While this is no huge feat to any cook who works in upscale kitchens with “real” chefs, I was certainly not expecting it on Exit 48. We stayed away from the sushi and sashimi because we like to go to our favorite sushi joints for raw fish, not Exit 48. The rest of the menu offered enough lip smacking goodness. (Somebody shoot me for saying that……)
We finished half a scorpion bowl, with the little 151 flame and two foot straws. Krista and I shared the 151 shot which was…..well….151. I’m not 19 anymore, but a shot of 151 every decade doesn’t hurt. I merely had to tip my head to the right one inch to sip the juicy booziness from the bowl that was a foot away from me, thanks to the long straws. As we finished the General Tso’s chicken, I thought to myself “Don’t question it……you are actually happy with this “Asian Bistro” even if there is no such thing as an asian bistro. Bistros are in Paris. NOT the United States. And not Asian.
While there is absolutely nothing traditional or rootsy about this place, I will definitely go back. The interior is tacky as hell, but there is a room with about 6 Hibachi tables, and guys in tall toques flipping spatulas and forks around, tossing shrimps at customers. I sent Ricchio a text as soon as we left, happy and not too full. We are going to try to make an evening with a bunch of us around the hibachi, with a chef there to throw stuff at us. I have a feeling the Scorpion Bowls will be wrecked, the fried shrimps will be flying around, and I will be sitting in my little corner of delight. We may not ever be allowed again at Kon Asian Bistro….but I’m willing to risk it. Kon Asian Bistro. On Exit 48. That’s right. Exit 48.
*****CAVEAT EMPTOR******* I never eat asian food. Please don’t go here based on my account. I had a wonderful time, but I am coming off of a really bad streak of luck with dining out. There are no culinary epiphanies or gastronomic wonders. Those who dig really traditional stuff may not enjoy, but those who want a good time with tasty food and good drink, definitely check it out. Exit 48……..
07.12.09
12 Seats
12 Seats is a collaboration between Krista and I. 12 Seats is just what the title says. 12 seats, 12 courses, 12 times in one year. The last Sunday of each month, Krista and I will transform bresca in to an amalgamation of our culinary and hospitality passions. 12 Seats will take over the bresca dining room and kitchen, and she and I will transform ourselves into one chef with the mind of two cooks.
All things Evangeline and Bresca circling our minds will be set aside for collaborative menus created organically. Things we want to cook, the way we want to cook them. The menu will be set. Unfortunately, vegetarians, pescatarians and vegans will have some difficulty with our menus, as there will be no substitutions except for severe allergies, and these need to be appropriate to each dish. Again, we are cooking what we want to cook. We love our meat and foie gras. We love our dairy, our caviar and our wheat. As it is a monthly event, a restaurant within a restaurant, the menus we create will be deliberate and therefore we will be unable to make alterations. We are cooking for those who want to let everything go and just be fed and entertained with great ingredients and wine.
There will be one table of 12, one seating only. The evening will allow us to spread our wings and really COOK. The relationship between you, the guest, and we, 12 Seats, begins with the first conversation about reserving seats. And, hopefully the relationship won’t end once you leave after dinner.
The first night 12 Seats will be open will be Sunday October 25th. The seating is at 6:30 PM. We ask that you arrive between 6 and 6:15. Please call 207-838-FOIE(3643) for reservations or just to chat.
Erik and Krista
P.S. how cool is it that we got the FOIE number????